There is a quiet, destructive trap that far too many men fall into: the trap of comparison.
Scripture states it with absolute clarity in 2 Corinthians 10:12: "When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves among themselves, they are not wise."
Comparison is not just a distraction; it is, in its purest sense, foolishness. Why? Because when you compare yourself to another man, you are measuring your journey against an origin story you did not witness, a foundation you did not build, and invisible advantages you do not possess.
The Classroom Lesson: Hidden Advantages
During one of my mentorship sessions with secondary school students, I noticed how fiercely young boys compared their academic results. I had to pause the session and show them the fundamental flaw in their thinking.
Imagine two students sitting in the exact same classroom:
- Student A finishes school and goes straight home to a quiet environment. He eats, rests, does a few light chores, and has hours of uninterrupted time to study. When he struggles with a complex subject, his parents, who are university graduates, sit beside him, guide his study habits, and walk him through the material.
- Student B finishes school and immediately goes to help his parents run their roadside shop until 8:00 or 9:00 PM. He returns home exhausted, does heavy household chores, eats late, and has barely thirty minutes to glance at his books before his eyes heavy with sleep. His parents love him deeply and provide every material thing they can afford, but because they were not academically inclined themselves, they cannot guide his studies.
Now imagine Student B looking at Student A’s top grades and falling into deep frustration, believing he is unintelligent. Or imagine Student A looking down on Student B, thinking he is superior, when in reality he simply had more study time and academic guidance.
Consider another scenario: a student in a city with high-speed internet, personal computers, and digital learning tools, competing against a student in a rural environment who has never touched a computer.
Comparison in these scenarios is foolishness. They do not share the same environment, the same support, or the same starting line.
The "Minus vs. Plus" Reality of Manhood
This exact dynamic plays out in adult manhood every single day. Men look at other men in business, family, and ministry, and judge their own worth based on another man's pace.
Look at the mentors and authors many of us admire, men like the late Steve Farrar or Dr. Tony Evans. When you read their stories, you realize they had solid, present fathers who laid a firm foundation beneath their feet. They didn't start from zero; they started from a PLUS (+).
My friend, Dr. Obinna, is another clear example. I read much of his writing, and he often highlights how his father laid a rock-solid foundation for their family, not just by what he taught, but by the life he modeled. Because his parents understood the importance of academics and guided him through it, Dr. Obinna carried an unmistakable confidence through primary school, secondary school, and university. His confidence in his earthly father translated directly into his confidence in God, his Heavenly Father.
Now, contrast Dr. Obinna’s journey with a man who was bastardized, emotionally abused, talked down on, or abandoned as a child.
That man does not start from a Plus. He doesn't even start from Zero. He starts from a MINUS (-).
While the man raised in a solid home is already at +10 and sprinting forward, the man from a broken background is trying to trace his problems back to his childhood, heal his emotional wounds, unlearn toxic habits, and retrace his steps back to ZERO just to reach the baseline of life!
By the time he finally reaches Zero, the man who started at a Plus has already built a visible empire. If the man from the minus compares his current position to the man from the plus, he will fall into anxiety, shame, and depression.
The same is true in business. Two men may work with the exact same intensity and work ethic, but one man has access to bank loans, investor networks, and family capital, while the other man has no financial backing whatsoever. The man with access will naturally travel farther and faster. Hard work is equal, but access creates the gap.
Generational Priests & Spiritual Legacies
We even see this in ministry and spiritual growth.
Consider Dr. Tony Evans again. He comes from a lineage of faith, and now his children, Chrystal Evans Hurst, Priscilla Shirer, Anthony Evans, and Jonathan Evans, are all powerful leaders in ministry. They represent generations of priests. They grew up listening to biblical exposition at the dinner table.
If a first-generation believer, whose parents knew nothing of God and whose lineage was steeped in idol worship or brokenness, tries to measure his spiritual maturity or ministry reach against a third-generation preacher, he is being unwise.
He is fighting spiritual battles his peer never had to fight. He is clearing land that his peer inherited already plowed.
Two Crucial Mindset Shifts
Understanding the reality of starting lines demands two massive shifts in how we live:
1. Shift Your Competition Inward (Yesterday's You vs. Today's You)
Your progress cannot be measured by another man’s speed. The only valid competition is Yesterday's You vs. Today's You.
- Did you handle your temper better today than you did last year?
- Are you more intentional with your relationship with God today than you were six months ago?
- Have you unlearned a toxic habit that used to rule your life?
If you are better today than you were yesterday, you are winning!
When you allow God to process you, to take you back into your past, heal your childhood wounds, and rebuild your foundation, you are doing the heavy lifting. You might have started at a minus, but because you allowed God to heal you, your children will not start at a minus. They will pick up from a PLUS and enjoy divine speed!
2. Extend Empathy to Others
Understanding advantages doesn't just protect you from self-pity; it forces you to take it easy on OTHER people.
When you see a brother struggling, failing, or moving slowly, don't judge him. You don't know his background. You don't know the trauma he is fighting through, the lack of guidance he suffered, or the knowledge he was never given.
Empathize with people. Knowledge empowers action; a lack of knowledge stalls men. Instead of looking down on those who are behind, share your advantages, lend them your light, and encourage them on their journey.
Conclusion: Run Your Own Race
Comparison is a trap. If you compare yourself to someone with fewer advantages, you become arrogant and complacent. If you compare yourself to someone with greater advantages, you become bitter and depressed.
Give yourself space to grow at your own pace. Recognize where you started, celebrate how far God has brought you, and keep building, one day at a time.
You may have started in the negative, but in the hands of God, a man from a minus can end up building a legacy greater than anyone thought possible. Focus on your track, give grace to those around you, and run your race.